Our precious Metrodome, the Jewel of the Mississippi, has been deflated!
Following last weekend’s blizzard, the Dome’s teflon roof was breeched and collapsed in a manner ominously similar to the Vikings season itself. It was as if the spirits of Spergon Wynn and Robert Smith’s nagging injuries conspired to add further misery to a terrible season by ripping a hole in the roof and reducing Brett Favre to a depressed, purple-handed mumbler.
Watching the video of the collapse, it’s crazy to watch the snow spill all over the field like Old Man Winter trying to overcompensate for the Super Bowl confetti that the Vikings have never seen. I swear that mixed in with the droning, creaking sounds of the collapse I can hear Denny Green’s cackle echoing in the distance, like a floating memory of 9-7 seasons with quick playoff exits past. I’m sure old Denny is off somewhere sipping a cocktail and smiling to himself about all this. (And maybe, in some sort of Wild Things-style twist ending, Brad Childress is in the shower with him.)
The Dome’s roof has always been something of an embarassment for we Minnesotans. With its rusty milk coloration and swastika center, it symbolized our cheapness and ability to overlook the manifest terribleness of things out of sheer politeness. It might have been cool in the 1960s, but in classic fashion, we built it in 1981, like some jackass going out in 2010 and buying a used copy of Throwing Copper by Live.
Back when I was a kid, however, the dome’s roof was awesome. It was bright white like a 9-acre marshmallow and shone down lovingly over the greatest moment of my childhood – when Jack Morris’s mustache vanquished the Atlanta Braves in the 1991 World Series.
Back then, the Dome throbbed with the noise of 60,000 guileless fans in jean shorts. These days, it’s filled with drunken, Randy Moss-obsessed rubes expecting the worst and accepting of the fact that they have to pee into a trough (again, politeness).
No big point here to finish with (I’m the Frank Rich of blogging). As surreal as it was to watch the Dome’s roof collapse due to snow (not an earthquake, but snow), and as much as I’d like to see a new Vikings stadium be built, I still kinda like the Metrodome. Like a plucky underdog, it’s worth rooting for. I guess you could say that the Dome is the Rudy of sports stadiums, except without the happy ending or Old Wise Black Guy to help out.