And so another school year has come to a merciful close.
Like a gang of convicted felons breaking out of prison, the schoolchildren of America have been let loose upon the countryside to violate our great land for three horrifying months. And like the aforementioned sociopathic thugs, the frenzied and carnal delights of the schoolchildren will be heightened by the knowledge that their enjoyment is fleeting, and that they will be locked away back in the antiseptic world of school soon enough. Children and gangbangers cannot escape justice forever, no matter how many ice cream cones they eat or cars they break into and defacate in, respectively.
For teachers, summer break is a chance to recharge our batteries a bit and do some work to improve our classes for the next year. In my case, this involves going to workshops and doing some reading and research. In the case of some other educators, summer break means scrapbooking or going to a cabin in a remote cabin in Wisconsin and getting as drunk as possible. All are equally responsible and unassailable, according to the American Federation of Teachers.
A nice thing about summer break for me is that I get to see my family more often. According to my wife, I have a 19-month old son at home who, like me, enjoys climbing things while babbling nonsense. I look forward to meeting this little individual and implanting my knowledge and values into his brain using some sort of fast-acting mind laser, which I assume exists.
Enjoy the dawn of this summer break my friends. It is a sweet, succulent moment in the otherwise unrelentingly wretched cycle of the human experience. It’s like finding a $20 bill right before seeing a dog get run over by a pickup.