There’s a tangy tickle in the air! There’s a salty snap in the breeze!
Winter is coming!
Once again, the sun is giving us the seasonal silent treatment and we are left with a bracing chill and fading memories of happier times when the days were warm and swimming pools glistened like like an 8th grader’s forehead. Shunned by the earth’s source of energy, we are once again forced into the gruff embrace of winter, like taking a 4-month cabin retreat with Jerry Sandusky.
While walking into work this morning, I couldn’t help but notice the frigid prickle of the wind as it snatched through my sweater and tickled my friendship zone (as my wife refuses to do). It was no doubt unpleasant, but as a native Minnesotan, I am at peace with winter. I agree to shovel its snow and endure its windchills and it agrees to help me avoid small talk while outdoors and move on before Easter. True, I’m the Robin Givens to winter’s Mike Tyson in that relationship, but what are my options? Move to Florida? I’d rather blow up the planet than do that.
Florida is garbage. I heard that the Epcot center is teeming with alligators.
Haunting, isn’t it? An underdressed toddler exposed to the cold, ostensibly for educational purposes. It’s like kindergarden in North Korea. Anyway, I’m glad the internet exists so I could show that to all of you and make my comments.
So anyway, winter’s coming, it’s getting colder, blah blah blah. My point is that I’m a miserable person.