Monthly Archives: December 2011

I Am Smuckers Now

Sometimes I wish I lived in a Smuckers commercial. I’d spend my days savoring the sweet moments of youth, bathed in a perfect golden haze. My simple, heartwarming charms would be accompanied by a twinkling piano and the dulcet tones … Continue reading

Posted in Meh | 1 Comment

Vanishing Tinsel

Hey, what ever happened to tinsel? Unless you’ve lapsed into a egg nog-induced coma (henceforth to be referred to as “nogbrain”) you’re no doubt aware that the Christmas season is here. This is a glorious time of year in which … Continue reading

Posted in Best of the JLP, Rants | 5 Comments

Middle School Retreat Excitement

Hey friendly friends! You feel that buzz in the air this morning? It’s not from the dozen 5 Hour Energy drinks I just sucked down – it’s because we’re loading up the bus for my school’s middle school retreat! In … Continue reading

Posted in Raves | 2 Comments

The Vikings as a Microcosm

Tomorrow I will don my authentic Adrian Peterson game jersey to attend a meaningless Vikings game in which Adrian Peterson will not be be playing due to injury. This is my life. Some of you readers may be rolling your … Continue reading

Posted in Rants | 2 Comments

Lounge With Me

Come and lounge with me. Let us drape our bodies over one another as we lay relaxed on fine leather furniture. We will coil our appendages tightly together like two boa constrictors strangling a grizzly bear, yet the touch of … Continue reading

Posted in Meh | 1 Comment