Dance With Me by Winifred Madison

As you are no doubt aware, the greatest book of all time is Dance With Me by Winifred Madison.

Russ or Gary

It is the timeless story of shy, lonely girl named Jennifer trying to find love in the compromised world of high school in the early ’80s. Somehow finding herself in a tangled love web between the steady, blowdried Russ and the adventurous, blowdried Gary, Jennifer eventually learns to follow her heart and properly condition her hair. Along the way, she kisses them each on the lips and lets them touch her exposed shoulders but otherwise remains as chaste as a cross-eyed nun.

Look again at the majesty of that cover. The faraway beam in Jennifer’s eyes belies the turmoil below the surface as she wrestles with her feelings for Russ and Gary and the knowledge of her secret pimple. Meanwhile, Gary’s confident charms are evident in his ruffled cuff and the subtlety of his pelvic leaning. That one, simple image tells conveys the emotional truth of the story’s turmoil. It’s like something out of Casablanca, except with better fashion and fewer Nazis.

It goes without saying that Winifred Madison is the greatest writer in the English language alive today. Her work in Dance With Me makes To Kill A Mockingbird look like a retarded person’s grocery list. The fact that Dance With Me isn’t mandatory reading for all schoolchildren and that the Lincoln Memorial hasn’t been torn down in favor of an 80-foot high statue of Winifred Madison is pathetic. We’ve got a long way to go as a country to overcome the equal sins of racism and ambivalence toward this book.

In conclusion, Dance With Me is a good book. Read it, and be racist no more.

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4 Responses to Dance With Me by Winifred Madison

  1. Tim Hopps says:

    Two genuine LOLs and several chortles during this sinfully entertaining piece. You still got it, kid. But you must tell us… which did she choose?? My money’s on Gary.

  2. Adam says:

    So how many nazis were there? And how many characters did you suspect we’re secretly allied with nazi ideals?

  3. Gary says:

    @Tim – My money’s on me too. *wink wink*

  4. JuliAnn says:

    I wanted to run right out and get a copy of this. But they didn’t have it any bookstore or library. I had to order it on Amazon for one cent. I already thought To Kill A Mockingbird was a grocery list written by a retarded person. I can’t wait to read this.

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