Corporate Balloons
Somebody has taken the time to decorate my office today with blue and white balloons and streamers. It looks like we’re preparing to have a child’s birthday party in here. I find it incredibly amusing that our supervisors continually treat us like children, from putting balloons everywhere to giving us toy cars. I fully expect to show up at work some day and be greeted with clowns and Mickey Mouse. They will be dancing and singing with merriment and congratulate me for my outstanding efficiency numbers. Then they’d make balloon animals for me and we’d get free hot dogs for lunch.
I’m not joking at all here. This is so close to actually happening that it isn’t funny.
Seriously, looking around here, I find it impossible to believe that this is an actual workplace. There are snowflakes, colorful fish, hearts, beads, and teddy bears everywhere. Flowers and lais are pinned to all the walls, and now these damn balloons and streamers have been crammed into every remaining crevice they could find. I don’t know which is more discouraging, the fact that my supervisors are trying to encourage me in this way, or the fact that it seems to work for many of my co-workers. Some of them are getting all smiley and happy this morning looking around, and I feel the urge to slap them and say, “They’re balloons. BALLOONS. If these guys actually wanted us to be happy, they’d give us a raise. But with people like you here, why would they do that when they can spend 99 cents on some crappy balloons and wiggle them in front of your face like you were an infant. By the way, don’t try to put them in your mouth, they might pop and choke you”
“On second thought, go ahead and give it a try.”
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April 1st, 2004 at 8:31 am
Cruel AFD joke by them.
April 1st, 2004 at 8:43 am
Dude! I SO remember dealing with that when I worked for United HealthCare. I was constantly like “Give me my damn raise and stop spending money on effing balloons!” I love the job I have now, where when morale is down they tell you to get over it and do your friggin’ work.
April 1st, 2004 at 9:54 am
The most humiliating part is that they made US blow all the balloons up yesterday.
April 1st, 2004 at 10:13 am
LOL! Are you serious, Adam!?
That’s absolutely incredible.
April 1st, 2004 at 12:12 pm
and where do you work again?
April 1st, 2004 at 12:27 pm
Alisa- Adam and I work for Balloontown, Inc. We’re a major balloon marketer and manufacturer - third largest in the balloon industry.
April 1st, 2004 at 1:23 pm
Oh BalloonTown?? I used to work across the street at Ballons R US. That’s down there in the Balloon District right?
April 1st, 2004 at 1:35 pm
Yeah, the Balloon District is a really festive area. Especially those bastards down at BalloonTech - they’ve got zany balloons all over the place.
April 1st, 2004 at 1:51 pm
I fricken hate BalloonTech. I want pop all there balloons and beat up their clowns.
April 1st, 2004 at 2:56 pm
My bro-in-law makes balloon animals for a living.,….beat that! He’s a magician.
April 1st, 2004 at 3:54 pm
If you want a change, try moving to the Confetti District. Right next to the Broom District…
April 3rd, 2004 at 4:14 pm
You guys are a riot! Well, one way to look at it is that they probably won’t give you a raise anyway.. so just enjoy the balloons!