Metal Warriors
Sometimes, at the end of a long day, I need to relax and listen to some good music. Sometimes, that music will put me at ease, and sometimes it will soothe my soul. Some music is able to do both. One band in particular evokes the sounds that speak to my innermost desires and feelings - of course, that band is Manowar
I was introduced to Manowar when I was in 7th grade by my friends Sean Biren and Peter Piltingsrud. This was a perfect fit, as Manowar’s music is aimed at the emotional angst and hormonal aggressiveness of pubescent boys. I obtained their album The Triumph of Steel, and soon found myself in my bedroom with my headphones on distilling deep significance from songs like “Hail and Kill”, “Pleasure Slave”, and “The Demon’s Whip”. They distinctly enunciated the way I felt about my English teacher, describing the way I wished to eviscerate her and feed her entrails to wild dogs. Before Manowar, I only knew that I felt awkward and insufficient around women, but the wisdom in this music allowed me to understand that once they have been firmly subdued with harnesses and leashes, women are to be enjoyed at our leisure. At this point in my life, I had been wearing traditional Western fashions, but Manowar inspired me to bludgeon a racoon in my backyard with a mallet and use its pelt as a loincloth. In every sense, my Manowar initiation set me on the path of becoming the man I am today.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go lift weights, sharpen my battle axe, and skin an albino lynx for some boots.
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August 9th, 2004 at 9:46 am
you just keep getting sicker and sicker. it’s awesome!
August 9th, 2004 at 10:17 am
Are there any songs on the album that we could do at the rock?
August 9th, 2004 at 10:23 am
Chad - Great idea! We should try “Achilles, Agony, and Ecstacy in Eight Parts: Prelude”. It’s a 26 minute track, but it would definitely be very spiritually powerful for people.
August 9th, 2004 at 10:29 am
That’s one band I can guarantee I will not be attending any 20 year anniversary, should they have one. Imagine those guys at 55 getting’ the band back together for one last hurrah. It wouldn’t be pretty.
August 9th, 2004 at 11:20 am
I had sex with manowar one time..
ahh.. forget it..
Someone should applaud them for their enviromentally friendly outfits.. recycling animal hydes is very “green”.. but someone should also tell them that their excessive use of hairspray is negating any sort of enviromental work they may be doing… they look like a reasonable bunch… they’ll understand
August 9th, 2004 at 11:50 am
I like how they tap into those repressed prehistoric desires that every man has. We all secretly long for the days when we would club women over the head and drag them back to our cave.
Thank you Manowar for making that desire a reality.
August 9th, 2004 at 12:05 pm
I’m glad this music has given you men the illusion of breaking free of today’s male oppressive society, but in reality it’s the wonmen who keep the men harnessed and leashed ;o)
August 9th, 2004 at 12:12 pm
sarah, you speak truth, thank you for letting them know
August 9th, 2004 at 1:52 pm
That is why Manowar is so awesome! They defy you fire-breathing wenches!
August 9th, 2004 at 2:17 pm
This post to be followed by “Peter’s Infatuation with The Beastmaster”.
I’m seeing a pattern forming here…
August 9th, 2004 at 2:34 pm
Adam, you’re not far off. I believe that Manowar empowered me by briefly allowing me to express my ineptitude around women through dramatized aggressiveness and violence.
Manowar RULZ!!!
August 9th, 2004 at 5:17 pm
Man O’ War also happens to make the best music to listen to while playing D&D. Uh, not that I would know, or anything.
August 9th, 2004 at 6:52 pm
I’m betting they’re probably gay.
August 9th, 2004 at 9:08 pm
In one short blog I think I have figured out the problem keeping me single. So just to get this right, you DONT club women and drag them to your “cave” anymore. Wow. You all just blew my mind
August 10th, 2004 at 8:59 am
Ted, don’t believe what you read here. they are just playing hard to get.
August 18th, 2004 at 10:21 pm
Other bands play. Manowar…well, they “kill.”
‘Nuff said.