The Rabbit Lady
Yesterday I came across this Minneapolis Star Tribune article, that seemed to be an insane John Larroquette Project entry come to life:
Responding to a complaint from a neighbor about odor, authorities on Monday removed about 160 domestic rabbits, dead and alive, from Tarnowski’s house and condemned the property as uninhabitable…
In August 1999, police summoned firefighters, humane society and Hennepin County Community Health workers to Tarnowski’s home. It took more than seven hours to remove more than 400 rabbits, nearly a fourth of them dead. Smaller numbers had been found in her home each of the previous two years.
Keith Streff, chief investigator for the Animal Humane Society in Golden Valley, was there five years ago. He was back Monday.
“It’s something out of the macabre,” he said of the house’s interior, as firefighters donned oxygen tanks and masks before heading inside. “Rats, mice, feces, cobwebs, urine, garbage.” In a bathroom where rabbits roamed freely, he said, the floor was covered with as much as 5 inches of animal feces.
Authorities found the frozen carcasses of about 100 rabbits, each in its own bag and tagged with names and dates, in a freezer in the garage. In the refrigerator, Streff found clothes and toy stuffed animals.
I must say that I enjoyed the conceptual humor behind this woman’s actions to be quite humorous. I do have a few thoughts and suggestions though:
-Try diversifying a bit. With the John Larroquette Project, I try to avoid using the same jokes over and over again, and it might be funnier if you tried hoarding a different animal next time. I felt like this incident was but a pale reprise of the 1999 joke with 400 abused bunnies. Granted, abused bunnies is about as funny as it gets, but next time, maybe try stockpiling dead kittens or neglected hamsters.
-The bit about keeping the dead rabbits in your freezer was hilarious! Very nicely done.
-While I liked the joke about the bathroom floor being covered with 5 inches of animal crap, it would be funnier if you punched it up a bit. Try including references to “diseased hare feces”, “foul rabbit vomit”, or “untold yards of tangled bunny intestines”. Your audience will appreciate the extra effort.
Categories:
August 11th, 2004 at 10:06 am
5 inches of rabbit shit on the floor. 5 inches of shit!
August 11th, 2004 at 10:11 am
first we have eagle defecation.. and now rabbit feces.. it brings to mind the old saying.. “you cant polish a turd” or.. no..it was.. “you cant light a turd on fire” which by the way isnt true.. you can.. you just need a significant amount of kerosene.. for the fire.. not the polishing.. *ahem*… where was I….
August 11th, 2004 at 10:23 am
Trey: you were talking about duck sex.
August 11th, 2004 at 10:55 am
Ha ha ha Dead bunnies in the freezer. Man that’s good. I’m still crying!!
August 11th, 2004 at 11:37 am
Do you think the neighbor who complained will be next in line for the freezer??
Obviously Tarnowski is operating on a different plane….maybe she’d offer her location for a Rock TV shoot.I’d love to see Peter in 5″ of bunny biscuits.
August 11th, 2004 at 11:49 am
I think you’re right, Sarah. It practically writes itself!
Seriously though, dead bunnies rule.
August 11th, 2004 at 11:52 am
Maybe we could get Jeremy to wear the bunny suit again…. Oh man this has so much potential!!
August 11th, 2004 at 11:53 am
The reporter writing that piece was so devoid of irony and humor that I nearly sued the Star-Tribune. What they DIDN’T tell you was that my house was funded by the National Endowment for the Arts and that my house, or “piece”, was a satellite exhibit for the Museum of Modern Art. I was exiled from New York by Rudy Guliani the Terrible as he likes rabbits very much.
August 11th, 2004 at 12:06 pm
You could also diversify into baby seals. Maybe have them shipped. It would be ironic, too, if the house with the seals was found very near a store specializing in club-making.
Carry on.
August 11th, 2004 at 3:00 pm
I really want Doyle to see this.
August 11th, 2004 at 3:11 pm
but she had to keep the bunny crap. It was all she had left… no wait she kept the bodies.
August 11th, 2004 at 6:27 pm
I only have 17 rabbits…
August 12th, 2004 at 7:09 am
This is what Doyle will be like when she’s in her ’70s.
April 16th, 2008 at 2:28 am
Keith Streff is a idiot! He’s a convicted drug addict felon! He sensationalizes a story to make it appear more then what is actually there! He’s a media whore! What a true fricken idiot!