John Adams: Antiquity’s Chubbiest Gnome
I’m currently enjoying reading historian David McCullough’s fine biography, John Adams. Like my previous examination of Ben Franklin, I’m learning a lot that I never knew before.
A few noteworthy items from the life of John Adams:
-Because of his intelligence and steadfast nature, Adams was acknowledged by his peers as the unofficial leader of the Second Continental Congress, which declared American independance from Britain.
-His proudest accomplishment as a lawyer was defending the British soldiers who fired in self-defense at the so-called Boston Massacre.
-Adams enjoyed scalding dogs to death in geysers.
-His oldest son, John Quincy Adams, later became president himself, to the pride of his father.
-He bested Paul Bunyan in an axe-fight.
-While writing in his journal in 1772, he penned the hopeful lyrics to Journey’s smash hit, “Don’t Stop Believing”.
-He served as America’s first ambassador to Britain during the difficult first years after the Revolution.
-His decendants have reportedly colonized Pluto.
-Adams was at times capable of shooting fire from his anus to destroy his enemies.
-His stubborn defiance and iron will rankled many of his peers, most notably Ben Franklin.
-It is believed that he somehow sired a fully grown goose.
-He guest-starred on a later episode of M*A*S*H* as a disillusioned young soldier who Winchester tries to help.
-During his term as the 2nd president of the United States, Adams’ diplomatic skills narrowly averted war with Napoleon’s France.
- White House chefs were often troubled by his angry requests for fresh goblin entrails.
-He coined the phrase, “you had me at hello”.
-John’s wife Abigail was a fiercely intelligent, protective, and beautiful woman, and their relationship is among the most beloved in American history.
-His wacky antics at the signing of the Treaty of Paris in 1782 were the inspiration for the hit film, “Weekend at Bernie’s”.
-He had meth mouth.
Man, I can’t wait to teach this stuff next year!

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June 27th, 2005 at 2:00 pm
The “meth mouth” and M*A*S*H reference slayed me.
June 27th, 2005 at 3:37 pm
Your fatal flaw: Winchester would never help anyone if he didn’t have to
June 27th, 2005 at 3:41 pm
Laura-
I didn’t make this stuff up, it’s what happened. Winchester got one episode per season where he got to be nice.
June 27th, 2005 at 4:08 pm
Yep. It was in David Ogden Stiers’s contract.
June 27th, 2005 at 8:32 pm
Thanks to all of you for visiting the M*A*S*H* Forum!
June 28th, 2005 at 8:18 am
My sister met David Ogden Stiers in an airport, and said that he’s just as much of a jerk in real life,as he is as Winchester.
He’s no John Adams.
June 28th, 2005 at 10:59 am
Who do you think would win in a fist-fight between Stiers and Adams??
June 28th, 2005 at 2:07 pm
adams…he would not be afraid to lose a few wooden teeth.
June 28th, 2005 at 4:37 pm
OK. Are some of these fake? It seems like one or two might be fake. I’m no historlogical major or anything, but I don’t ever remember him being president…