The Greatest Wedding Program Ever
This morning I’m stuck typing up the program for the wedding. I’m annoyed because these tend to be pretty boring and devoid of personality, and it feels unavoidable that ours will be, as well. Here’s my first draft:
Processional
Giving of the Bride
Welcome
The Shearing of Thomas
Exchange of Vows
Ceremonial Cleansing of the Audience
Unity Candle
NBA Mascot Dunk Contest
Pronouncement
Free Chili
Recessional
When reading other people’s wedding programs, I like to read the section where they write messages to the people in their wedding party thanking them and pledging their eternal fidelity and friendship. Those things are so stupid. Here’s my section.
Brent Berg - I now regret choosing you as my best man, but it’s probably too late to do anything about that. Just try not to ruin anything else. Unbelievable…
Patrick Welle - I guess I have to have you in the wedding. Mom got mad.
Adam Omelianchuk - You’re less annoying than you used to be.
Brian Welle - ditto Patrick, only moreso.
Todd Luker - Yeah, have fun ushering in my relatives…
Matt Terry - Congratulations, you’re my 6th best friend.
Any other suggestions?
Categories:
Finally…a wedding program worth keeping and showing to people who were not there. Bravo!
You left out the message from the bride and groom to the people attending the wedding on the back. “and to all of you who are here today. We know you’re here for the food. If your gift cost less than $20, you go straight to the line with the squid.”
Wow. A desert bar with squid.
Mmmmm… squid tort.
Oops. Dessert.
Shut up.
Peter, I am happy to say that mine is accurate to the nature of our friendship.
It should read at the bottom: For all of you who aren’t in my top 6 friends then large cash donations will help facilitate a quick climb to the top.
Wow! That’s so much better than ours! It’s back to the drawing board for Kevin and I!
Hope all goes well for you and Bridgette next weekend.
I want to know what the bridesmaids blurbs will say…mine particularly…be nice, I helped you move!
man, that NBA mascot dunk contest just kind of snuck in there.
don’t forget putting that part in there about how you wanted to elope.
I was totally sure Peter would schedule some time for their guests to “bless them in tongues.” And or course some dramatic readings from JLP.
I Hope Your Wedding Sucks, I’m glad I’m Missing It!
I thought your first paragraph would read more like this:
“This morning I’m stuck typing up the program for the wedding. I’m annoyed because these tend to be pretty boring and devoid of personality, so I immediately thought it would fit as a post on the JLP.”
You zigged when I thought you would zag.
MJ, is that a title?
Jawoh, No that is the warmest regards I can muster for Peter.
MJ, understood. Me too.
I was just curious about the odd formatting, where every word is capitalized.
emphasis, just emphasis!
I just saw Adma’s post, and would have to agree with him. It is accurate. He is Less annoying than he used to be. We’ve even talked a couple of times now.
Or maybe He’s the one that found me annoying.. Oh well whatever. It’s becasue of you that the two of us can stand in the same room for up to 15 minutes now, before we have any conflicting Awkwardness.