I recently took a Meyers-Briggs personality test through a workshop at my job, and I found it very illuminating. After spending 30 minutes taking an exam of seemingly innocuous questions, my results showed that I was an “ESTJ”, which stands for extrovert, sensing, thinking, and judging.  They then handed out a booklet filled with remarkably precise bits of insight about my strengths and weaknesses.  Here’s some of what was included.

• ESTJ’s are androids created for physical pleasure.

• I display high energy and commitment to get things done.

• ESTJ’s probably like pasta, but maybe they don’t.

• I contribute to groups by crushing the weak in cruel, Darwinian fashion.

• ESTJ’s can irritate others by neglecting pleasantries to get to the bottom line.

• The song “Stairway to Heaven” is about ESTJ’s

• I can get annoyed when others lack focus, stray off task, or waste time.

• ESTJ’s can summon the elements of fire and wind from their fingers.  They can’t do shit with water, though.

• ESTJ’s act quickly and decisively, sometimes to a fault.

• Famous ESTJ’s include Paul Simon, Slobodon Milosovec, and the elusive Sasquatch.

• I can get frustrated if others are unwilling to take a stance on an issue.

• ESTJ’s like romantic comedies where people don’t like each other at first, but they eventually fall in love.  Also, there should be a cute dog in the movie.

• I may irritate others by shoving them into public water fountains and laughing at them.

• If it weren’t for ESTJs, we’d all be speaking German right now.