“These Are My Principles. If You Don’t Like Them, I Have Others.”
It has come to my attention that some of my most popular, widely-read recent posts have been my honest, accurate accounts of real-life painful situations that I have suffered through. From my botched honeymoon to the thank-you card debacle, it seems that my readers love to read about my unhappiness.
Well screw you guys.
A lesser blog writer would spinelessly bend to the public’s demand, but I refuse to do so for you voyeuristic snoopers. So what if my life is painful and filled with human suffering?! What’s it to you?! I didn’t create this blog that my soul might be fed upon by 300+ undead parasites a day. I created it out of the simple need to fill 15 minutes of my daily free time, and to spread my eager tidings of awkwardness and unpleasantness around the globe.
The John Larroquette Project is not about to become one of those blogs where the author discusses his recent break-up for 15 months straight, interspersed with occasional results from the latest online quiz. I will NOT give you people what you want by honestly describing the most awful, embarrassing moments of my life. Instead, I will describe walruses dying of cancer and other such unpleasantries.
This is not a blog about cupcakes and rainbows and comedic mishaps. It is about shame, mental illness, and partial nudity.
Unless you guys don’t like that. I can change it if you want. Any suggestions?
Categories:
April 26th, 2006 at 9:18 am
Too much partial, not enough nudity.
I want to see bare Peterian ass all over this bitch!
April 26th, 2006 at 10:08 am
Where’s the mental illness? Let’s get more of that.
April 26th, 2006 at 10:29 am
_steve, you are truly a man who speaks for the people.
April 26th, 2006 at 10:43 am
I plan to start a blog called Pain of Peter of the Welle. It will contain observations from Bridgette’s Uncle Bob and Grandpa (among others).
April 26th, 2006 at 12:27 pm
A long walk off a short pier.
The JLP totally jumped the shark when you met your wife-to-be, man. Now it’s just a shell of it’s former self. I WANT MY MONEY BACK!
April 26th, 2006 at 1:56 pm
Naw, that was back in Feb ‘04.
If anything I jumped the shark when I got hired for my current teaching job a year ago.
April 26th, 2006 at 6:38 pm
more talk of how you’re leading your class in that secret project called ‘rock band’.
April 27th, 2006 at 6:51 am
I’d like to see more tales of eating unsafe amounts of food with highly saturated fat and sugar, followed by abdominal discomfort.
April 27th, 2006 at 7:34 am
Warning: The JLP may cause abdominal discomfort and/or vomiting. Read at your own risk.
April 27th, 2006 at 7:57 am
More photos of dead animals on the road.
My favorite is that “pigeon” that made it into your banner at the top. Cracks me up, every time.
April 27th, 2006 at 10:53 am
“…to spread my eager tidings of awkwardness and unpleasantness around the globe.”
Truly Inspirational!
I confess that I am but a babe in the blogosphere with less than two months under my belt, but your words of mission and purpose have truly challenged me to kick my site up to the next level as well.
More quizzes indeed!