Birthday Improvisations
It’s my wife’s birthday today!
I’m in big trouble!
Last year for Bridgette’s birthday, I proposed marriage. As birthday gifts go, it was a grand slam struck with such authority that the opposing pitcher cried out in shame and immediately fell on his broadsword upon the pitcher’s mound. That’s how good a gift it was. It was better than a diamond-encrusted lawnmower.
What am I supposed to do this year? How could I possibly follow that up? Why have I waited until the morning of her birthday to address these issues? Should my gift be the opportunity to race me in a 100-meter dash? Should I offer to involve her in a special birthday argument? Might I give her a check for $150 out of our joint checking account? Am I totally screwed here?
Maybe I could give her something homemade. Something like a pair of pants that I could make here at school out of construction paper and staples. Would she like that? Unfortunately, I just realized that I don’t know her size. Idiot!
I think that what I’ll do is try to run out the clock, so to speak. I’ll assure Bridgette that I definitely have a gift prepared for her, and that it is most assuredly the greatest gift that she has ever received in her life. I will then attempt to continue to change the subject all evening until we finally go to sleep and I am off the hook until next year. There is virtually nothing wrong with this plan whatsoever.
She better get me something awesome for my birthday though.
Categories:
May 24th, 2006 at 10:39 am
A gift card for “Peter Time” (And yes…I shamelessly rip off a Friends “Joke” today…I can go to bed knowing I have…uh…something). Don’t wives always appreciate that more than expensive gifts?
May 24th, 2006 at 12:15 pm
Buy her a house!
May 24th, 2006 at 12:43 pm
I gave her an air conditioner for her birthday…although until I read your blog, the date escaped me and I didn’t say Happy Birthday to her at lunch today…am I in trouble too?
May 24th, 2006 at 3:20 pm
Spoken like a true Realtor, MJ.
Here’s my idea. For dinner, have her close her eyes. She will open them to find a broccoli and cheese Hot Pocket pastry, fully cooked, with a single candle. Stare lovingly into her eyes, until she finally broaches the subject of a gift. Then you get huffy, and say “well, I wanted it to be a surprise.”
Then give her a jigsaw puzzle and storm off to the bar.
May 24th, 2006 at 3:37 pm
you could give her a card that says someone donated a gift to the human fund in her honor.
or, just give her a kiss on the cheek, and when she asks “that’s it?” just exclaim in shock “what! i gave you a diamond ring last year! i think that counts for at least 5 birthdays.”
May 24th, 2006 at 5:49 pm
Why don’t you bake her a cake or something?
Then maybe she’d even go to prom with you.
May 24th, 2006 at 6:52 pm
How about a swift kick in the rear.
May 25th, 2006 at 11:00 am
That was harsh Roger.
I think you should have gotten her the Auryn from the Neverending Story. It’s really what every girl wants.
May 25th, 2006 at 7:15 pm
HAHAHA!!