I have something very important to share with all of you.

Read those words and understand the truth. Truly, there is no greater way to comprehend the majesty of nature than to hold this knife with deer art on it. Compared with holding this priceless item from the Bradford Exchange, going to the Grand Canyon is about as majestic as crapping out this morning’s Honey Nut Cheerios.

(Just a side note, however - is it actually possible to grasp this buck-blade? Don’t those three-dimensional antlers preclude someone from actually wielding this item, whether it be as a collectable or as a weapon to stealthily execute intruders or city inspectors?)

Read this scenario. How effortlessly it describes the majesty of an early morning buck-sighting! The only thing that could better encapsulate nature’s glory would be a $38 replica knife with a big ol’ deer painted on it. What luck that just such a collectable is available to you through this offer! This buck-encrusted son of a bitch is the greatest proof of the Almighty since Francis Scott Key penned “The Star Spangled Banner” back in 1812.

May God bless this great nation and all the deer that live therein, that we might one day shoot them for sport in patriotic fashion!