I’m excited for lunch today. I brought homemade chili!

It is loaded with plump beans, savory hamburger, and zesty chili-spices. No doubt about it, I am going to enjoy eating this chili for lunch.

Did you bring in chili for lunch?

Why not?

Huh. It’s just that my chili is warm and delicious, and I find it curious that you chose not to bring any chili of your own. Trust me, there’s no way I’m sharing any of my hearty, luscious chili with you.

Hey friend, there’s no need to raise our voices here. The fact that I’ve got a fat bowl of thick, spicy chili in the employee fridge and you don’t doesn’t mean we need to become adversaries. It doesn’t bother me at all that your wife left you and now you eat at Hardees every day.

No, I’m not insinuating anything, as a matter of fact. I think Hardees is a perfectly fine resturaunt, and their sourdough bacon cheeseburger is the tops. Maybe a little on the unhealthy side, but everybody knows you’re not afraid of packing on the ol’ poundage. That’s why we call you beluga-lips when you’re not around.

Calm down! I think you’re really overreacting here. So what if we secretly compare your physique to that of a massive sea mammal? Belugas are beautiful creatures, swimming around the ocean, eating plankton and whatnot.

Fine then. Take it to HR. It won’t bother me. I’ve got a fat, sloppy bowl of chili waiting for me at 11:45. It has kidney beans in it and everything.