Howdy friends, E. Honda here.

You can call me Edmond, which is my first name, for some reason. I’m here in town to fight in the Street Fighter Tournament against fighters from all around the world (i.e. California and Japan). I’m battling for my honor, and to prove the supremacy of the sumo fighting style. Or maybe it was to avenge my murdered brother. I’m not sure. It’s probably in the manual somewhere…

I’m not what you would call a graceful fighter. My strategy is to overpower people with my sheer size, and then finish them off with my patented “hundred hand slap” which shares no connection with reality whatsoever. My moves may not be stylish, but they “git r done”, as they say! I recently saw that phrase on the bumper of a dirty truck, and I agreed with its hard-nosed worldview. I also enjoy the comedic stylings of Mr. Jeff Foxworthy.

I’ll freely admit that I’m not necessarily a fan favorite. Fighters like Guile and Chun Li get all the attention, while I’m usually chosen by pubescent button-mashers. I don’t have a problem with this. My self esteem isn’t wrapped up in being manipulated by the jittery, Twinkie-stained fingers of 13 year olds across the world. I’m perfectly happy going home to my wife B. Honda, kissing her on the cheek, and eating a succulent roast beef dinner.

So that’s my story. Maybe I’ll see you around sometime, and I can give you a hundred-hand high five. I’d love to hear your story.

Oh, I almost forgot, you got any weed?