Hot off the editing computer, a brand new Rock TV!

This video was the result of a unique challenge to the writing team. We wanted to create a video that pointedly took on some of the alienating or obnoxious elements of Christian culture while at the same time saying something positive about what’s happening at the Rock. We all felt encouraged by the reception of Revelation 9:11, and wanted to make something similarly incisive, but with a gentler touch.

Having said all that, much credit should be given to Todd for his portrayal of a Christian radio DJ who’s been on the job just a little too long. His delivery and facial expressions really sell the humor and the message of this video. Also, Leroy’s depiction of Rev. Ortzville was amazing to watch in person. It was like everybody held their breath while he was ranting, in awe of his insane intensity.

Enjoy!

One of my students died last night.

Willem was an 18 year old kid who was unfailingly polite with a moppy blond afro that belied his brave, goofy spirit. He died from an accident in his home. It wasn’t a suicide.

He was set to give a persuasive speech about the effects of outsourcing for my current affairs class. Knowing him, it would have been idealistic, while at the same time a bit cynical and frank. Willem was still working out a worldview for himself, like most high school seniors are. I’ll miss getting to hear his thoughts.

My favorite memory of him was a couple years ago when my school reserved a section at a Twins game so students and staff could go together. Willem was from the Netherlands, and had only been in the States for a couple months, so he was totally lost watching baseball. I got to sit by him and explain balls and strikes and the rules of the game to him until he left during the 7th. It was a fun night for me. The next day, he asked, “Who won the match, Mr. Welle?”. I told him, “They’re called games, Willem, and the Twins lost, so you should act more bummed out.”

I’ve been thinking about that night a lot this morning.

If you think of it today, pray for Willem’s family and friends, that they can make some sense out of this.

Thanks guys.

This story from the Star Tribune brought me great pleasure last week:

Repeat Offender Given Probation For Sex With Deer

Associated Press

SUPERIOR, WIS. - A 20-year-old Superior man received probation after he was convicted of having sexual contact with a dead deer. The sentence also requires Bryan James Hathaway to be evaluated as a sex offender and treated at the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health in Duluth.

He was also found guilty in April 2005 of felony mistreatment of an animal after he killed a horse with the intention of having sex with it. He was sentenced to 18 months in jail and two years of extended supervision on that charge.

Hathaway pleaded no contest earlier this month to misdemeanor mistreatment of an animal for the incident involving the deer.

“The type of behavior is disturbing,” Douglas County Judge Michael Lucci said. “It’s disturbing to the public. It’s disturbing to the court.”

That’s how Wisconsinites roll.

It’s amazing. Just when I start to wonder whether I’ve given those from Wisconsin a bad rap, when I begin to feel convicted of my own prejudices against those from across the river, this genius goes ahead and starts having sex with dead animals.

The only thing that would have made this story better is if he would have slid a Brett Favre jersey on the dead deer’s torso before going to work on it.

Last night, Bridgette made a very foolish decision, and one she will live to regret.

She flipped on a light switch.

At that fateful moment, the light in our entryway briefly dimmed before going dark altogether. We soon realized that light switches and power outlets throughout north half of our house weren’t working. Half of our home became shouded in a still, penetrating blackness that enveloped our very souls. I checked our fusebox and tried yelling all the swear words I know really loud, but nothing seemed to work.

Oh well. I didn’t particularly like that half of the house anyway.

Tonight, my father - an electrical engineer and level 8 enchanter - will join me in a quest to restore electrical power to the rooms currently blanketed with inequity. Strange that our cat, named Ben Franklin, would be of no help in this electrical quandry. During the crisis, he seemed more interested in licking his own anus than in offering help of any sort. Just like the real Ben Franklin, I suppose.

Hopefully Bridgette will learn a lesson from all this and refrain from flipping light switches without my expressed, written consent.

Let us celebrate! Sarsparillas for everybody!

I have ordered my strongest manservants to take the fatted goat and rip it in half, that we might feast upon it tonight. Come my friends! We will eagerly dine on goat-flesh and sarsparilla until dawn!

Tonight will will lift our voices as one and sing the 1978 smash hit “Sometimes When We Touch” by Dan Hill. Our beautiful refrain will reach to the stars! Angels will weep with emotion!

We will also eat chips.

Now go and prepare for your journey to my north Minneapolis home! Firmly gird your loins and saran wrap your dog! Mount your steeds and follow the fireworks and smell of charred goat to the Welle home! It won’t be long now!

Let the arbitrary celebration begin! After all, it is March 24th!

At this time, the John Larroquette Project would like to pass along congratulations to my sister’s boyfriend Matthew, who turns 30 tomorrow.

Here is a picture of him that Julia passed along:

Hmmm… That isn’t the best picture, is it? Perhaps some sort of physical description of him is in order.

Matthew is a nice man with a delightful disposition and a fondness for friendship. Compared with me, he is somewhat short. I do not hold this against him, however. It’s just that he looks like some sort of mutant albino pygmy. Good guy, though.

He has a kind, giving face with ruddy cheeks and firm lips, like a botoxed raccoon. I mean that as a compliment.

I can just see him now - reading this post, with his expressionless eyes flitting back and forth nervously, his wizened snout curling in mild satisfaction. Wherever you are, Matthew, I hope you’re enjoying this post. God knows you need something positive in your life.

Happy birthday, buddy. No hugs though, because that would be weird.