Bee Delights
Fear not, everyone! The bees are most assuredly not disappearing.
I have found them. They are in my house.
On Sunday afternoon, Bridgette and I returned from a short cabin retreat to find our basement window teeming with yellowjackets. This was in no way unnerving. I’ll level with you people, spending 30 minutes in longsleeves and a winter hat swatting and sucking up bees with a vaccuum cleaner wasn’t the most enjoyable thing I’ve ever done. A few hours later, another batch of those yellow-striped bastards popped up, but this time I was much less hesitant. Choosing to forego the protective wear, I blasted the bees back to hell with my berzerker attack, swirling in a counter-clockwise motion while snipping scissors and barking obscenities.
This was a tactical error on my behalf, and led to numerous stings across my upper body, including one directly into my left retina.
This morning, an elderly, pot-bellied exterminator visited our home and sprayed the yellowjackets to kingdom come. Hopefully I will return this evening to find a basement riddled with crunchy bee carcasses. I will then feed them to Ben Franklin, our cat, to increase his hit points and vitality.
See you in hell, bees.
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August 28th, 2007 at 10:36 am
i hope he let a couple of bees survive. lately i’ve been stirring honey into my coffee rather than sugar. try it, it’s yummy!
August 28th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Unfortunately not all bees make honey. Yellow jackets just make annoyance.
August 28th, 2007 at 11:22 am
You should have used a flame thrower. That would have solved the problem.
August 28th, 2007 at 11:24 am
This post gives me the jibblies. Wait, here they come again… :the jibblies:
August 28th, 2007 at 11:50 am
well, if we’re going to get all scientific (see sarah’s comment), i don’t think the photo on the blog is of yellow jackets. i believe the pictured bees ARE making honey, honey!
August 28th, 2007 at 11:54 am
i relish the opportunities to murder stinging insects. the unsuspecting wasps that like to forge nests around my house have no idea what’s coming until the liquid death produced from a can of Raid hits them.
August 28th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
i’ve had crickets in my basement. one night i was watching tv at night and i could hear one chirping… figuring it was unlikely that todd luker was hiding in my basement, i found the chirping kind of charming. then as the days passed, it got louder and louder. eventually i started actually SEEING them… first one, then several, hopping around like they owned the place. one actually jumped on me. no longer charming in the least. like you scott, i relished fumigating the basement with a can of Raid. later i vacuumed up all their little corpses and didn’t feel a bit sorry.
August 28th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
Well…if we must be real scientific… Yellow Jackets are wasps, not bees.
August 28th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
It’s all Peter’s fault for posting a misleading picture.
August 28th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
Throughout the past year, I have exterminated no less than 9 wasp nests in and around my house. One such extermination required me to create an ad-hoc “bee suit”, because the nest was very large and the location of the nest forced me to be right next to it before I could spray it with raid. I used two sweatshirts, two pairs of pants, boots, gloves, duct tape, and a mesh baseball cap. I put the mesh of the baseball cap over my face, then pulled my hood over my head and drew the hood cords very tight, so that I could see out a small hole protected with mesh. It was awesome.
August 28th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Ed, were your sweatshirts bright yellow with duct tape stripes ofr camouflage effect?