A Highlighter Journey
Hey you guys ever sucked on a highlighter?
Try it sometime. Bite down hard on the felt tip and start sucking. It makes a weird sound and it tastes terrible and it kinda screws up the color of your lips for a couple days, but it’s awesome.
Here, watch how I do it.
*phhffffffffmmmmmmmmmmmmnngh!*
There, see? I just sucked that pink bastard dry. Oh god, that taste is disgusting. It’s like the chemical formula for sorrow. Why did I do this?
The remorse is unbearable. I am seriously regretting sucking on that highlighter. I can feel the pink toxins begin to drip into my stomach. Everything is so awful right now.
I’m seeing colors I shouldn’t be seeing. The room is beginning to spin…
Father? Father, is that you? I sucked the pink highlighter for you, Father. Just to see your face again.
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Thanks for visiting my blog, everyone. I hope you found it to be encouraging and edifying.
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November 30th, 2007 at 9:27 am
I haven’t been one to suck on highlighters, but I do breathe on them sometimes to make them more moist. Now there is a good word: “moist.”
November 30th, 2007 at 9:50 am
You make a good point, Adam.
November 30th, 2007 at 11:13 am
i used to spray PAM into a plastic bag and inhale it. unfortunately, unlike peter’s story, mine is true.
dat’s why ahm sa dam dum.
November 30th, 2007 at 11:22 am
my favorite line: “everything is so awful right now.” why that makes me laugh i don’t know, but this post gets a solid “A”.
how ’bout you, adam?
November 30th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
I used to eat Cherry Chapstick. Maybe I still do.
November 30th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
“dat’s why ahm sa dam dum…”
Sounds like Paul Simon’s “Graceland” album lyrics.
Oh wah, oh wah,
Craig
November 30th, 2007 at 12:19 pm
Craig, further reading on chapstick consumption can be found here:
http://johnlarroquetteproject.com/archives/2004/06/07/chap-stick-lust/
November 30th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Wow! I’m not alone. =)
November 30th, 2007 at 5:02 pm
I told you not to use the pink. You’ll go blind!