Yalta Wild Wings
Tonight, I will meet with the other members of the Great Blogging Triumvirate (Adam & Kevin) at a top secret mountaintop location.
Together, we will plot out the new world order of the blogosphere, like the Yalta Summit of 1945.
Borders will be redrawn. Some blogs will be eliminated. Chicken wings will be consumed at an alarming rate.
In this equation, Adam is Roosevelt. Sickly and gaunt, he will use his final energies to push for greater theological content across the blogosphere. Shortly after tonight’s summit, Adam will die of a cerebral hemorrhage and will be mourned with mass thigh-pounding and bitter tears.
Kevin is the Stalin of our triumvirate. Alienating and coarse, Kevin will disregard the wishes of the ailing Adam and secretly plan the annexation of many weaker blogs. With his disagreeable politics and troubling slavic philosophies, Adam and I will attempt to politely tolerate Kevin’s presence because of his invaluable assistance in defeating a greater, more immediate enemy (boring, stupid blogs that nobody reads and everybody hates).
Lastly, I am Churchill. Vital and incisive, I will devastate other blogs with the forceful power of my wit (”Ben is a modest little blogger, with much to be modest about”). I shall do my best to divert Kevin’s abrasive advances while reinforcing the weakened idealism of Adam. Also, I will jut my jaw out a lot.
A report will be offered up shortly after our summit surveying the planned geopolitical changes. Any attempts to resist them will be met with the combined might of the blogging superpowers.
Seriously, we will mess up your face.
Categories:
January 29th, 2008 at 10:49 am
This is seriously going to change the face of the Western blogosphere forever!
January 29th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Gratitude is an illness suffered by dogs.
January 29th, 2008 at 11:42 am
when i was growing up, there was a tree in my grandma’s front yard. it had these little green round seeds, about the size of a pea. my grandma called them monkey nuts. i would throw them at my sisters.
January 29th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Mr. Hopps, with that comment, you have just made yourself the first order of business at tonight’s meeting.
January 29th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Are you laboring under the impression that I read these memoranda of yours? I can’t even lift them.
January 29th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
I am a Christian and a Democrat, that’s all.
January 29th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
So, I’m like God, right? Because I can strike you down in an instant, Peter.
January 29th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
I think my name says it all. (asks it all?)
January 29th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
give them hell Winston!
January 30th, 2008 at 6:17 am
You and your petty summits. They will get you nowhere.
Come, bloggers of the world! There is free speech to be had at http://www.qwertyuppy.com !
January 30th, 2008 at 9:14 am
I don’t get it. Am I France?
That comment just made me France, didn’t it?
January 30th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
You are France and I am pretty sure that I am Poland.
Sucks to be us right now.
January 30th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
I’m Nazi Germany
January 30th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Don’t flatter yourself. Your Hungary.
January 30th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Can I be Japan? I’ve already surprised Adam with my audacious attack and have been stubbornly losing since he decided to start caring about me. After Adam dies, then his successor will utterly crush my will for fighting in a decisive yet brutal attack below the belt. In a move of remorse, the US will become my personal protector and after years I’ll subversively prosper from ignoring US patents and selling cheap quality products to the helpless consumers across the ocean.
Finally, I will come to believe that I am way cooler than the rest of the world and develop a fascination with odd television shows and science fiction.
Seriously, I’ve been preparing for this part for minutes. I’m ready!
January 31st, 2008 at 7:57 am
Comment of the Week!
January 31st, 2008 at 8:24 am
Tony is actually Keith M.
January 31st, 2008 at 8:58 am
Only on JLP can you learn things that apply to trivia games you play at BW3. I should pay more attention.
January 31st, 2008 at 3:00 pm
boy, was it fun throwing those monkey nuts!