My Feline Abuser
He always does this to me, you guys.
Somehow, Ben Franklin has a way of physically subduing me, forcing me to comfort and caress him despite his aloof, uncaring demeanor. I don’t know why I submit to his demands, but I do.
I always, always do.
I am invariably left feeling taken advantage of as he trots away to lick his ample groin. Afterwards I lingered on the couch, matted in cat hair and sobbing uncontrollably for 30 grief-wracked minutes.
Is there some hotline I can call if I’ve been emotionally abused by my cat, or have Tim Pawlenty’s heartless budget cuts eliminated such programs?
Categories:
March 26th, 2008 at 8:03 am
I believe the program you are looking for has been cut, however there was increased funding for cat support group–cats who are seeking support to deal with groin ogling and grief wracked owners.
March 26th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Why are you posting on a Wednesday? This has me confused and has thrown my world into utter chaos…I mean, what if it is realy Thursday and I LOST an entire day due to a Pez fueled black out?!
March 26th, 2008 at 9:05 am
Y’know, that photo is begging to be turned into a LOLcat.
March 26th, 2008 at 9:10 am
Most disturbing photo in quite some time.
March 26th, 2008 at 9:42 am
Ur Happy? I Happy. k thx bai.
March 26th, 2008 at 10:50 am
your hands look unnaturally pale and lifeless.
did you, by any chance, recently have both your arms torn off?
it certainly would explain franklin’s ability to do as he pleases, as well as the sadly resigned expression on your face. the expression of a man with no arms if i’ve ever seen one.
March 26th, 2008 at 11:19 am
i think you’ve more than returned the abuse by letting your cat get so FAT. the thing looks like a furry Jabba the Hut.
and what is it with your blog and the Star Wars analogies?
March 26th, 2008 at 11:52 am
That cat would be described better as a bear.
March 26th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Patrick, the positioning of my arms mirrors the defeat of my soul.
March 26th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Sprawlz on ur crochez
Causin ur discontentmentz
March 26th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
big fat kat krushin’ yer danglin’s
March 26th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
“danglin’s” made me laugh, though the apostrophe is inappropriate.
March 26th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
That’s a big ‘ol cat
March 27th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
paul reuben’s: funny you caught that. i too, am a member of the “inappropriate apostrophe” police. it bug’s me when people do that, and it seem’s to happen more and more often these day’s. in fact, sometime’s my buddy gordy and i write email’s to each other including a bunch of word’s with unnecessary apostrophe’s, just for fun (yeah, we’re dork’s).
i actually first spelled it “danglins” but it just didn’t look right, so i went for “danglin’s”, feeling that peters reader’s would better grasp the meaning. and technically, i think it IS right, because the apostrophe would take the place of the “G” in the formal form of the word: “danglings”.
so there, grammar snob!
March 28th, 2008 at 7:49 am
‘d’a'n’g'l’i'n’s’
There. Now shut up, both of ya.