Nothing Works Out For Me!
Sorry guys. I’m not really in the mood to write up another humorous, completely original blog post this morning. I’m feeling frustrated and stymied on all fronts.
I just spent the first 45 minutes of the day trying to pierce my tongue with the three-hole puncher from my desk. I couldn’t fit my stupid tongue in there very well, and so when I slammed down on the handle, it just ripped a the tip off, and now I’m dripping blood all over the front of my shirt like a damn Civil War amputating surgeon.
Don’t worry, though, it was a completely sterile procedure. I squirted a bunch of Purell all over the three-hole puncher before I stuck my mouth on it.
It’s just so frustrating that nothing in my life ever works out for me. I must be the unluckiest person alive. I mean, first I lost my job in 2002 and now this!
It’s situations like this that make you start to question your last decade of rampant drug abuse…
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October 6th, 2008 at 11:40 am
i question my last decade of rampant drug abuse every time i read your blog and ‘get it’.
October 6th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
next time use a stapler. then you don’t even have to buy the tongue stud.
October 6th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
since no one else is commenting today, i shall tell a road story.
once we were playing out in north dakota somewhere (not sure if it was even there… so much of those years are a blur and anyway what’s the difference) and we were partying with a bunch of bikers after the gig. there was a biker there named Beast. he wanted gordy to pierce his ear. so gordy took one of the pins off his jacket, you know, the kind of pin or button that says something on it like “why be normal”, and held the guy’s wallet behind his ear to brace the lobe when he pierced it. gordy said, “this might hurt” and Beast said, “i ignore pain.” so gordy stuck the pin through the guy’s ear but he way over-pushed, and stuck the pin deep into the guy’s wallet. so his wallet was stuck to his ear. gordy finally got it out and put an earring in the guys bloody mess of an ear. ironically, i think it was a cross.
October 6th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
I think Tim got an amputation..from the neck down.
October 6th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
for your reading pleasure:
October 6th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
what i meant was, for your reading pleasure, click on my name.
October 7th, 2008 at 7:41 am
Thank you, Martin, for the most pleasurable link.
Thank you also, for your savory mullet and line drive 47-yard field goal attempts.