Category Archives: Meh

Bridgette said we can have pizza for lunch today! I get so excited to eat pizza that sometimes I start tasting blood! I hope there aren’t any mushrooms on it, though. (Mushrooms make me poop brown water.) Most people eat … Continue reading →

And so another school year has come to a merciful close. Like a gang of convicted felons breaking out of prison, the schoolchildren of America have been let loose upon the countryside to violate our great land for three horrifying … Continue reading →

What is it with Butterfinger bars getting stuck in your teeth? Don’t get me wrong – I enjoy the sweet, sultry crunch of Butterfinger just as much as the next guy enjoys kissing his wife with tongue. However, that doesn’t … Continue reading →

I’m just sitting down after a great workout. I feel pert and refreshed, like a 32-year old, bearded Little Mermaid. I was running on the treadmill, which I prefer over running outdoors because it allows me to continue watching TV. … Continue reading →

This year’s spring break was a heedless one, filled with craven indulgences and remorseless, sub-sentient sloth. At week’s end, my senses are dulled and my breathing is labored. My hours are now spent in repose, relentlessly swallowing fistfuls of Raisinets … Continue reading →

Tonight my brother Brian joined me as I took a night off from taking pictures of myself with my cell phone to watch the highlight video from the 1991 World Series. The glorious and inerrant video was replete with white … Continue reading →