Category Archives: Rants

A familiar rite of passage for teachers marking a new school year is putting together new bulletin boards. There is something so pert and refreshing about the sight of a new bulletin board. Their vibrant colors and crisp corners are … Continue reading →

What’s this? Brookdale Mall has closed? Brookdale Mall, located just minutes from my gentle neighborhood, has followed countless Hardees franchises into the shallow unmarked grave of retail death, shot in the back of the head by consumer indifference. What will … Continue reading →

Last night in our neighborhood, gunshots rang out like a bell. When this morning’s gray gloom finally dissipated, our worst fears were realized. The violence had touched home. Yesterday, this was just another teddy bear, careless and free. He probably … Continue reading →

Hey guys, it’s me, the Jack of Diamonds. I know it isn’t customary for your average playing card to speak up, but it’s time. I’m tired of getting overlooked by those other fancy face cards and your aces and whatnot. … Continue reading →

Whose groin do I have to punch to get a Wendy’s Double Stack around here? I know that it’s 8am, and I know there’s a snowstorm outside, but I’m about to start snapping some femurs if I don’t see a … Continue reading →

Gather around, children of all ethnicities! Come and see the wonderful gift of North Minneapolis! It’s a bullet hole in our garage! Yes, that’s right! On Saturday night, the North Minneapolis Fairy fired a gun near our home and teens … Continue reading →