Category Archives: Rants

Please indulge me while I go off.

Hyundai Humiliation

Posted on 3/31/2012 by peter

My Hyundai recently broke, as Hyundais are wont to do. Admittedly, mine is not a spectacular vehicle. It cannot accelerate or slow itself with any haste; it is neither shiny nor safe. Inside, it is formless and beige, like a … Continue reading →

Posted in Rants | 7 Comments

Cat Sadness

Posted on 3/23/2012 by peter

Last night, while hauling out an ammonia-reeking garbage bag brimming full of cat excrement, I began to regret ever having welcomed the wretched beasts into our home. For those unfamiliar with the details of my life for some reason, my … Continue reading →

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Toward a Flu Armistice

Posted on 2/20/2012 by peter

Not since the outbreak of the Spanish flu in 1918 has the world seen such stench and suffering as was witnessed in my house over the weekend. During the epidemic a century ago, tens of millions were killed by the … Continue reading →

Posted in Rants | 3 Comments

Vanishing Tinsel

Posted on 12/15/2011 by peter

Hey, what ever happened to tinsel? Unless you’ve lapsed into a egg nog-induced coma (henceforth to be referred to as “nogbrain”) you’re no doubt aware that the Christmas season is here. This is a glorious time of year in which … Continue reading →

Posted in Best of the JLP, Rants | 5 Comments

The Vikings as a Microcosm

Posted on 12/3/2011 by peter

Tomorrow I will don my authentic Adrian Peterson game jersey to attend a meaningless Vikings game in which Adrian Peterson will not be be playing due to injury. This is my life. Some of you readers may be rolling your … Continue reading →

Posted in Rants | 2 Comments

Those People

Posted on 11/19/2011 by peter

You know those people who are just unpleasant to be around? People who are convinced they’re always right, and constantly tell loud anecdotes that end with them getting the upper hand over somebody else? Do you know the kind of … Continue reading →

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