Category Archives: Rants

Please indulge me while I go off.

A Reasonable Birthday Update

Hey gang! Today is my 34th birthday, a good occasion to take stock of things in a clinical, dispassionate manner. As I usually do on this blog, I will now set aside all hyperbole to communicate as accurately and reasonably … Continue reading

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Another School Year’s End

Like a depressed clown sealing himself into a basement freezer, another school year is drawing itself to a close. For students, this is a time for barely-suppressed smiles and an unclenching of the work ethic to let the loose stools … Continue reading

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Hyundai Humiliation

My Hyundai recently broke, as Hyundais are wont to do. Admittedly, mine is not a spectacular vehicle. It cannot accelerate or slow itself with any haste; it is neither shiny nor safe. Inside, it is formless and beige, like a … Continue reading

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Toward a Flu Armistice

Not since the outbreak of the Spanish flu in 1918 has the world seen such stench and suffering as was witnessed in my house over the weekend. During the epidemic a century ago, tens of millions were killed by the … Continue reading

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Cat Sadness

Last night, while hauling out an ammonia-reeking garbage bag brimming full of cat excrement, I began to regret ever having welcomed the wretched beasts into our home. For those unfamiliar with the details of my life for some reason, my … Continue reading

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Vanishing Tinsel

Hey, what ever happened to tinsel? Unless you’ve lapsed into a egg nog-induced coma (henceforth to be referred to as “nogbrain”) you’re no doubt aware that the Christmas season is here. This is a glorious time of year in which … Continue reading

Posted in Best of the JLP, Rants | 5 Comments