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Category Archives: Raves
My John Brown Snowblower
Today, the Twin Cities was smothered in 5 inches of heavy, spiteful snow. The unwelcomed storm once again reminded us that, like a rottweiler chained to a Buick, we Minnesotans will never escape winter. Here in the north country, even … Continue reading
Posted in Raves
5 Comments
The JLP is TCB (but not like it used to)
As you have likely noticed, the JLP is struggling to maintain its once-majestic altitude. This is the result of my increased domestic obligations, professional considerations, and the plain fact that I am creatively bankrupt. The kind of people who stick … Continue reading
Posted in Best of the JLP, Raves
7 Comments
Accurate Owl Excitement
What’s your favorite animal? Mine’s the owl! Owls are amazing! They have really sharp talons and incredibly good eyes. Even in dim lighting, they can spot a mouse hiding in a field from a half-mile away! They use their powerful … Continue reading
Posted in Raves
7 Comments
The Dance
We’re here! Let’s dance! Let’s start off with some clapping. Let the beat pulse through your body and seep out your anus. If clapping isn’t your style, then just sway softly from side to side until you feel like a … Continue reading
Posted in Raves
8 Comments
Kudos to People Magazine, Winners of the Pulitzer of My Heart
Great news, everybody! According to this week’s People magazine, Reese Witherspoon has gotten a second chance at love! We all know how Reese has been down on her luck lately, what with her 2007 divorce and string of box office … Continue reading
Posted in Raves
4 Comments
Cinnamon Gum
This is really good cinnamon gum! I can really feel that extra zest on my tongue. It’s like a priest is kissing me! Cinnamon gum is definitely my favorite, because it’s spicy and dark red, like Satan’s Tingle Wand. I … Continue reading
Posted in Raves
7 Comments