The other day, I was watching a movie in a theater with some friends. It was supposed to be a comedy, but I couldn’t stomach a laugh. If I hadn’t gone with a couple of friends, I would have already been in another theater by this point. Especially a movie like this, one that would have been better to rent than pay a million dollars to see. It’s getting down right expensive to see a movie nowadays. After you factor in the pop, candy, and the price of your ticket, you almost need to take out a second mortgage. Anyway, I’m not really into the movie, and I can’t leave. I start biting my lip because I have a bad habit which drives my friends crazy. All of a sudden, I hear a familiar sound; a guy two rows down has the same condition as myself. My dimples take form for the first time this evening. The guy two rows down is a movie talker.
For those of you who are not familiar with my condition, let me showcase some of our best characteristics. They’re three kinds of movie talkers. Sometimes it is possible for a person to have all three of these traits but usually a movie talker is one of the three.
The first kind of movie talker is what I will call the Good Buddy. Don’t be deceived, this kind of movie talker is definitely not. The 123movies Good Buddy likes to talk to the characters on the screen like they are friends. They may say things like, “Don’t go into that room! Someone is waiting on the other side of the door–they’re going to kill you!!” This individual will inadvertently unfold the plot of the movie. It is important to remember that the Good Buddy does not always realize what they are doing. Whether or not the Good Buddy has previously seen the movie, is not necessarily a prerequisite for their movie talking. Unfortunately, whether they are right or wrong regarding the films outcome, does not change the fact that they are still talking during the movie.
The next kind of movie talker might think they have a sixth sense for unravelling a great mystery, but really they are nothing more than someone who points out the already known. I call this movie talker…Captain Obvious. Captain Obvious’ special power only appears in predictable movies. Captain Obvious might say things like, “Did you see that jump?” Which movie do you think we’re watching here captain? Or, “That’s the guy from earlier, remember he was in the background when so and so died.” Although Captain Obvious may seem like a pretty annoying movie talker, there is one more movie talker who is far worse.